all for His glory

2006-10-05T10:20:00.000-07:00

I HAVE MOVED. No more "this image has been moved or deleted" picture to stare at. It wasn't put there on purpose, just in case if you thought it was.

http://chrystalll.livejournal.com

2006-10-02T21:27:00.000-07:00

I really need a time machine now. I need to stop time for a bit so i can create more time to do ten thousand other pending things this week. Thinking about all the stuff that needs to be done gives me a headache.

Mr Brown is very funny.
YAY I'm finally meeting Hem this friday after promos. :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
something to look forward to. Better spend more time with her before she goes back to nepal. :( Darn la why can't you stay here. You can share my room if you have no lodging. (:

2006-09-29T08:19:00.000-07:00

Michelle and I deep-freezed a housefly today at work.

It was buzzing around, so we caught it in a cup, cling-wrapped the thing, and popped it into our fabulous -20 freezer. After two minutes it went into frozen hibernation mode, so we took the cup out and placed it next to the hot-fudge warmer.

5 mins later the fly revived itself. Amazing.

Haha, we did that a few more times; freezing and thawing the fly till we got bored and decided to kill it. So we just threw it back into our fabulous freezer and waited till it curled up and died. :) Can't have pests in an F&B outlet. What ever will the health authorities say. :)

Sadly, that was the most exciting part of today. Work was soooooooo boring. It got to a point where i just sat there listening to michelle whine to me about her hair. Now we all know how absolutely thrilling that is.

I got my pay. And i think there's something wrong with it. :(

2006-09-27T21:22:00.000-07:00

I miss TKGS. I truly do. I wish we could go back to those times, where things were simpler, and where the most complicated thing within the classroom walls was algebra and differenciation. When i look at all the stupid pictures and videos we took i really feel like crying. I miss all of you so much. Haha, if only there was some TKJC thing or something.

btw. Does anyone know what happened to Christabel. Haha, just thought of her and realised we didnt catch up with her. Hem and I used to have so much fun terrorizing Christabel. She is the total opposite of the two of us, but one of the nicest and most genuine person in class. I still remember that notebook that she gave Hem for her birthday. When you open the first page, its written "This book belongs to Christabel". She was so embarrassed. Hem and i just laughed. Haha, i miss her too.

Poly should start now. I want to be busy. I want to forget. HURRY.

woo. Paycheck this saturday. Something to look forward to.

2006-09-25T06:15:00.000-07:00

jiawen was talking to me yesterday, telling me about the stuff she saw in shanghai. Some of the things she told me cracked me up so bad i fell off my chair. Haha.

"You know how when people put up pricing lists in Singapore, especially for ice cream, it goes something like 'one scoop---$$$, two scoops---$$$, three scoops---$$$"? This ice cream stand had its sign like this: one ball---$$$, two balls---$$$, three balls---$$$. And standing behind the counter was this poor, innocent guy wondering why he has no business."

"In the middle of the shopping centre was this small stand that says "xiao xing di hua", which translated to english means the floor is slippery, right? No. Below the chinese words of that small stand, the english translation was 'BEWARE OF LANDSLIDE'."

HAHA. My daily dose of cheap thrills.

2006-09-22T08:20:00.000-07:00

I officially dislike stocktake days. Francis and I nearly died trying to haul huge, heavy boxes up into cupboards and shelves. Its not an easy thing to do when the majority of your staff are girls. And just so happens that today there are only two people. I have so, so many blueblacks, bruises and cuts its amazing. All in one day.

All in one day;
1. 7 to 8 kg worth of ice cream dropped on to my poor knees.
2. got cut and scraped by shelf corners, ladder corners, box corners.
3. A HUGE, FRIGGIN HEAVY box fell on top of me when Francis lost grip of it while trying to shove it on to a cupboard.
4. Got burned by the waffle machine, yet again.
5. I fall off the ladder.
6. Another box falls on me.

Sigh. My, am I accident prone.

Things have been not-so-fine-and-dandy these past weeks, or rather this past week or two. So many things happening. I feel as though I'm trapped in some other dimension or goldfish bowl, looking at all the past events fast forward around me. Way out of my control.

Well, time to really trust God, Chrystal. Its times like these you just have to get down on your knees, and pray. And trust He's in control and that He loves you very much. :)
I will do that. :)

2006-09-21T09:20:00.000-07:00

I realised that if you stare hard enough at any english word and ponder over its spelling, you'll start to doubt if the word is actually spelled that correct way.

I have too much time.

I know this sounds crazy, but i can't wait for school to start. I can't wait for the busy timetables, rushing dealines, and late nights. Because i know that when you are busy, you tend to forget some things. The stuff you need to remember for school sort of squeezes some other stuff out from your brain. After all, there's a fixed capacity for our head. And i really want to forget some things now.

Perhaps it would be so much easier if we were all happy amoeba. hurhur.

Haha, and partly i think that all the hustle and bustle of school is quite exciting; in a workaholic, maniac kind of way. School wouldn't be half as exciting without it.

:)
smiling really helps to psycho yourself that you are happy.

Haha, once again i have too much time.

2006-09-19T20:28:00.000-07:00

I hate wearing shoes. I don't own a pair of fully covered shoes. (Only until recently, beause my job requires me to wear them) I only own two pairs of slippers. One for school and the other for everything else. Right now, they are wearing out pretty badly. And even those were given to me for my birthday presents. I don't like cramping my feet up in a tiny little space of a shoe. Haha, my toes need to breathe and be free. (:

Everytime i walk past a shoe shop selling those pretty pumps and heels and whatnots, i can only look at them and smile, and think to myself "What nice shoes". But i cant wear them. Cos i have big feet. And shoes in big sizes make me look like I'm wearing canoes and banana boats on my feet. I would rather run around barefooted. (Not that i've never tried that before)

Till now, I cant understand why people would endure blisters and cramps and aching feet to wear stilletos. Anyway, that's not my problem. I don't need heels. Haha, I'm too friggin tall already. Even if i wanted to, I'd probably fall and break my neck after taking two steps.

Oh, oh. That day, while browsing through random shops, i saw this scary looking contraption that is supposed to make your nose smaller and sharper. You're supposed to attach the thing to your face, which clamps your nose bridge, pulls your nostrils and stretches your skin. There was a picture of a girl using the thing, and she looked like frankenstein. Apparently, you need to leave it on for two weeks to see results. My gosh, can you imagine looking like a cross between the bride of frankenstein and edward scissorhands for two weeks? Hahaha, and the worse part is that the "before" and "after" pictures of that girl looked the same.

The things people do.

2006-09-19T10:04:00.000-07:00

Haha, being in the service line is very, very interesting.

pfft. I scalded myself while cleaning the waffle machine that day. The burn became blisters which i poked at, and burst. So now i have two funny looking scabs on my hand.

My poor friend has a stalker for a secret admirer. (who isn't exactly very secretive about his feelings.) He always pops by the shop when she's around, asking questions like "How's business" and "Have you eaten" and "The water here is very nice". Once he asked for her name, and left the store chanting "I know her name. Her name is Sarah". He will just sit there and smile to himself, saying that the water is nice. I think he has a screw loose somewhere. Once when i accompanied my friend to the toilet, he got up from his chair and followed us all the way there. Tis freaky. Tis very freaky indeed.

Just got my timetable for the new semester, and it really sucks. Well, thank God there wasn't a reshuffling. Making friends all over again is really tiring.
The month really flies by. It almost time for school again.

2006-09-16T07:37:00.000-07:00

I got back my results yesterday, and I really have nothing to say. It's just very average, nothing fantastic. At least i don't have to retake any modules next semester. Could be better though. Oh well, will have to work on that.

A friend and I were talking, and we just came upon the topic of "What's the worst thing you could possibly do to a person". We're not sadistic, no. It was just a random, "coffee-table" kind of topic. We came up with really, really, out-of-this-world ideas. Like rubbing someone's face against barnacles, then sprinkling salt all over after that. Haha, a bit too extreme. But we sort of mellowed down into more realistic things. Like lying, or backstabbing (notice these kinda things happen in girls' schools all the time). Then we came to a conclusion, that ignoring someone would probably be the worse thing you could ever do to hurt them. Like cold wars between parent and child, or between friends. To totally disregard the other person's feelings, thoughts, opinions, and existence.

I guess that hurts the most cos human beings are creatures that need love and attention. We'd die without it. We're not built to survive on our own. Not now, not ever. Haha, Thank God for other people. People who do looney things, who cry with you, smile with you, and listen to you...People who make this world more bearable to live in, until He comes to take us home. (:

Haha, so much for a harmless "coffee-table" topic.

This week has been filled with so much news. News I don't know what to do with. News that somehow bugs me, even though it has not much in relation with me.

I'm tired, it's been a long week. Time to sleep Chrystal. More work awaits you tomorrow.

2006-09-14T07:05:00.000-07:00

Yay, I'm on leave today. Caught The Devil Wears Prada this afternoon, and fell alseep in parts of the movie cos i was so burnt out from work. Michelle thinks im lousy for not being able to tahan standing for a "short" period of time. And SOMEBODY is very happy that she can go to Hongkong for a holiday. And someone else is going to Vietnam to contruct a toilet. Guess who volunteered to cover her shift.

Someone told me that there are 7 people in the world who strikingly resemble your own physical features. My goal is to meet one of them in my lifetime :)

Life is so unpredictable. One bad choice or decision can take you so many places. Sometimes it takes a surprisingly delightful turn for the better. Sometimes such decisions give temporary joy, only to snowball into a bigger pain somewhere down the road. Sometimes it just makes the current situation worse. Hmm. Its comforting to know i have God as a constant in my life, and i know He's the boss and He's in control. But. Doubts happen. Surely i'm allowed a doubt or two?
Oh well, tis food for thought.

Aye, i am upset. One of my brothers went to chop my favourite cactus into two with the garden shovel.

2006-09-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

Everyday i go to work, stand for say around 6-8 hours, trudge home, sleep, and wake up the next morning aching like mad. It's like a hangover for my legs. Then, i spend the whole morning sitting in a chair till its time for me to repeat the whole cycle again later. Well, at least i don't get mysterious bruises and blue-blacks all over, UNLIKE SOME LOUSY PERSON. Haha. My poor manager looks like he just got invloved in 10 traffic accidents everyday when we see him at work. Poor guy, he has eyebags the size of pancakes. Yesterday he was so stressed and tired he sat down and played with his gameboy in the storeroom. He needs a holiday, bad.

We saw a gay couple in their 50s along park mall yesterday on our way to work. Normally, i wouldn't get bothered by this, since there are so many of these people in school. But, this pair was just strange. On the topic of strange, we saw a old man scolding passing cars at the bus stop in teochew. There was a point where he walked to the main road and started gesturing weirdly at the passing vehicles. Oh well.

i think i need to change the blogskin. The comic strip has vanished into thin, thin, cyber air.

Pfft. There's piano later and i haven't praticed all week. Crud.

2006-09-11T20:57:00.000-07:00

yesterday was my first day of work. Haha, i stood on my feet for so long i couldn't feel my toes after work ended. Working at bnj's is tiring, but really fun. Because the lights in the store make it look as if it is eternally daytime, working doesn't seem as tiring. Michelle went home with bruised hands after all the scooping. Haha, lousy. I had an interesting encounter with a customer yesterday, and went something like this.

two guys and a girl stroll in, choosing flavours..yada yada yada.

GUY 1: EH! That ice-cream looks like cow dung. (totally oblivious i was standing there)
GUY 2: eh eh, don't say that in front of her la! (gives a sheepish smile)
GUY 1: (walks closer) EH! why does this ice cream look like cow dung ah?

i go on to explain.

GUY 1: Right. Still looks like cow dung to me. I prefer Haagen Daaz. (walks away)
GUY 2: (apologetic smile, scampers after his friend)

There are indeed all kinds of people in the world.

After work, we went to celebrate michelle's birthday at spaggedies with Nick and Daniaal. We had so much fun terrorizing the waiter, and laughing at Daniaal and his long lost love in the phillipines. HAHA, i love my friends.

oh, oh.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELLE. (:

2006-09-04T01:58:00.000-07:00

teachers' day.

it was fun. Nobody bothered about the teachers though. Teachers' day is an excuse to pon school, skip lessons, and catch up with old friends. I realised i havent seen some of them since the last paper of the O levels. It was great seeing them again. (: Some have changed, some havent. Some still remain as hazardous and destructive as ever. (right, elia? my crazy lab partner.) Some turn up in school looking like gypsies and cowboys. (whatever for.)

well, the school is uglier. Coloured like a oxidated, rotting, deformed carrot; how can it not look ugly.

finally, finally i'm somewhere near on securing a job. (:

2006-08-24T22:04:00.000-07:00

I was watching sesame street that day because i was really bored. And i must say that i think that elmo is irritating. He's too commercialized. Ernie is so much better. Haha.

And when did cookie monster teach four-year olds to say something like "piquant"??????

PIQUANT
1. agreeably pungent or sharp in taste or flavor; pleasantly biting or tart: a piquant aspic.
2. agreeably stimulating, interesting, or attractive: a piquant glance.
3. of an interestingly provocative or lively character: a piquant wit.
4. Archaic. sharp or stinging, esp. to the feelings

oh my. what happened to simple words like cat, pat, hat, mat??

I love sesame street though. :)

2006-08-24T09:29:00.000-07:00

just had a nice, long talk with amy outside my house sitting on a curb next to the road. For that whole hour or so, it never occured to us to walk into my house into the comforts of a sofa, fan, and tv to talk. Oh well, i think if we did that it would have been different. (:

Its snowing in my district. Really, its snowing ashes. It always snows ashes during the seventh month. Under the amber lights from the lamp posts, the ashes looked like snow or little moths fluttering about. It was almost pretty. It will probably be the closest to ever having snow in Singapore. And thus, i am blessed. (: haha.

Michelle and i need 50 dollars for tomorrow's barbecue delivery fee. Her brother had decided to use the spare 50 dollars that she had to pump some gas, so of yet, we are kinda broke. We are seriously contemplating robbing a bank or rigging an atm machine. We'll attack the bank with coffin-like ice boxes, and water blasters. HAHA.

So please, donate to the save-michelle-and-chrystal-from-robbing-a-bank-and-making-the-biggest-mistake-in-their-lives fund. Your generousity is greatly appreciated (:

I need to get a job, yes. I can feel myself disintegrating into the abyss of boredom. And it's only been two weeks. People complain when they are busy, and look foward to a break. When they get that break, their butts start to itch from sitting around and doing nothing too much, and they complain that they are bored. Oh the irony of the human life.

2006-08-20T05:56:00.000-07:00

Always On Your Side - Sheryl Crow Ft. Sting

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
'Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But my demons and my angels reappeared
Leavin' only traces of the man you thought I'd be
Too afraid to hear the words I'd always feared
Leavin' you with only questions all these years

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear,
Try to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
When this isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wandering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side

2006-08-17T06:27:00.000-07:00

Singapore Idol is exasperating. I want to throw my shoe at the TV...and hit Joakim's face. Seriously, what is he doing on the show. It's a singing competiton. Everytime it's his time to sing, my entire family leaves the TV and goes for toilet break and water break OR we actually stay, try to plug our ears and cringe at every note. The people who can actually, remotely sing, (considering that this is Singapore) are kicked off the show. Its not that people aren't voting, its the kind of people who are voting. I bet you all your cutesy "kawaiiiii nehhhxxxx!!!" 13,14, 15 year olds vote like crazy to keep Joakim in the show. Quoted from a girl, "Who cares if he can't sing? He's cute what." Who cares? I do. My EARS do.

Picture this.
Sooner or later, people are going to stop watching Singapore Idol because they can't take the noise. Then, viewer rates drop. The show crashes and burns. Mediacorp is affected. It burns too. Then, there is no such thing as entertainment on TV, save for the people who have cable (like me). People become boring and dull. Quality of work dips, and jobs are affected. Our economy dives. Jobs lost, our exchange rate really drops to the pits, no food on the table. No money to take your "kawaiiiiii nehhhhxxxx!!!" neoprints, and buy pink polka-dotted hairbands.

HOO HOO. See what voting based on looks can do. Far-fetched. But hey. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THIS WORLD.
Vote with your ears. Your ears are getting upset that you are ignoring them and that you are valuing your eyes more.

Oh yay, the holidays are here. No school till mid Oct.
happiness.

2006-08-14T06:51:00.000-07:00

One of the tell-tale signs that you've been spending too much time in school and rushing assignments is that when you see that there is a username to be entered, you key in your student ID number.

Went for our sec four class gathering/ Eilania's birthday on saturday, and we had truckloads of fun. I'm so glad i went for it (:

This is like first time i am attempting to upload a picture, so let's see if it works out. If it does, that's all of us who were there (: minus Yulin who was LATE (why am i surprised). Was so good to see them again...to take stupid photos and complain to each other and compare stories (:

Happy thoughts aside. Today was without doubt, the most stressful and nerve wrecking day of my entire school semester. Deadlines are a terrible thing. They make you go absolutely insane, it's almost comical to see people fighting over everything.

Outside the studios...

"Hey! That's my workroom! I BOOKED IT!!!"

"Can i just use for awhile? Please, Please!" (goes on to use the computer without waiting for an answer)

" No! NO! Cannot! I have work to do too!"

" WAH LAO! !^^&#&^!%%!#"

At the printers...

"EH!!! I came first!"

"Wait, wait very fast one..." (goes on to edit work on laptop and hog the entire queue)

"Done already?"

"Soon..."

"Done already?"

"Almost..."

"Done already????"

"WAIT LAH!"

"EH HURRY UP, DONE ALREADY????????"

"DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Along the corridors, just before 5 pm (deadline)...

"GET OUT OF MY WAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!" (stampedes towards office)

"WAH LAO!!!! !&*@&*&*!" (people start getting smashed along the walls.)

The last scenario was done by a friend, who literally went screaming down the corridors with an envelope in her hand. At one point, she took off her shoes and ran all the way to the office like a mad woman, all sweaty and hair messy. All these stuff happen just before deadline. After handing in their work, you see people all over the place looking as if they just fought the third world war, and if you look carefully you can see a victorious gleam in their eyes.

HOOHOO. Better than watching a korean drama serial.

2006-08-05T08:27:00.000-07:00

Went for NP Idol yesterday night to support Charlene. My gosh, Charlene should have won instead of the other girl. My ears were screaming for mercy. The other contestants really were... I cant think of a word to describe them. Well, at least she got third. :) The whole event was odd. It was so lukewarm. The emcees were actually very good. The audience sucked. Haha. They are just about the most emotionless and unresponsive bunch of people. Every emcee's worst nightmare. We tried to be enthusiastic, but we gave up because the rest of the audience were like dead fish.

Example.

Emcee: So are you ready for the results?
Audience: -general silence- then some bugger screams "YEAH!" followed by a bit of muttering.

Huimin accidentally jumped on my foot. With her spiky high heels. My foot now has a circular reddish bruise (where the heel was) and a larger ring of blue-green around it. Haha and its poofy and swollen. The spot, i mean. Not the entire foot. It hurts.

Mental note: never wear slippers and stand next to an excited girl who is wearing stiletto-like heels.

Sarah tells me that being stepped on by high heels is worse than being stepped on my an elephant's foot. Due to pressure concentration. RIGHT.

-____-

2006-07-28T08:13:00.000-07:00

It just hit me that i haven't collected my O level cert from TK yet.

I haven't really written (or rather, typed) a good, deep post in a long time. Maybe because i just don't have the time, energy and patience nowadays. Or just maybe, MAYBE i am just plain lazy. hah.

I miss my friends. My new friends from poly are great and we have loads of fun together, but its not the same as being in an all-girls school. When you're in an single-sex school there are less things to worry about.

You can sit any way you like, you can just change in class instead of the toilet, you can scream and the top of your lungs across the canteen to talk to someone, you can play retarded soccer where there are 5 goalkeepers instead of one, you can have burping competitions... and NO ONE will give a hoot. No boys in school to give you headaches, save for male mathematics cheeko teachers (we all know who).

I miss all of that. HAHA, i never thought i say this, but i miss my school uniform. It being green and ugly and all. Dressing up for poly everyday is irritating after the first week. I don't like to think in the morning, especially something so retarded like what to wear for the day. i want my uniform back. My brainless, fuss-free, ugly, green pinafore complete with the ripped off belt and stripey shirt.

i miss going to that sushi buffet with sochenda and stuffing oursleves each time till we nearly explode and die. (:

Wonder if they miss all of that too.

2006-07-26T05:10:00.000-07:00

fly direct to barcelona, a city made for dreams.
Visa mastercard.

" Ya, my cousin went there and she got robbed."

HAHAHA.

2006-07-20T08:14:00.000-07:00

finally, finally, finally we finished the radio project.

I can't believe i stayed so late in school to do a project. Well, there's a first for everything. I just realised how incompetent some computers can be. Especially the Ngee Ann Poly Film Media Studies Block 53 Level 8 Daw 8 computer. Michelle and i nearly wanted to throw our shoes at it after it selectively chose to delete some of our hard, hard work. So we had to stay back to patch up all the holes it deleted in our work. We were so scared it would do that again so we would hit the "save" button every five secs. haha. FINALLY its over.

i'm going to fall sick. I can feel my nose start to block up, my stomach starting to sound like a washing machine, and my throat get sore. Well its really no wonder if i do. Cold studio, hot atmosphere, cold lecture theatre, hot atmosphere, cold tutorial room, hot atmosphere. Which immortal won't fall sick in this kind of climate, i say.

holidays, holidays, holidays. :DDDDDDDDDDDD

2006-07-16T07:37:00.000-07:00

have you ever realised how easy it is to give advice to other people, but so difficult to think of some for yourself.

divine revelations of the day.

macs are so NOT user-friendly. They are pretty, yes. However, "pretty" is of no use when the mac meets me, the computer idiot.

Boys can be such cows sometimes. More troublesome than girls. Wait, cancel that. Girls still rule in the "troublesome" department.

Ricola sweets are cancer causing agents. (and i've been eating those things for years, so now they tell me.)

thank God the holidays are coming soon.

2006-07-07T09:20:00.000-07:00

I think Peter Crouch from the english team is very, very amusing. He's so long and awkward, it's funny to watch. HAHA.

I kept laughing during the England vs Portugal match after he got called in to substitue someone. Can't remember who he substituted for though. Must be for Wayne Rooney after he got the red card for completely stomping/crushing/ mutilating someone else's nether regions. AND pushing the Ronaldo guy. Amy says Rooney is a complete barbarian on the field. haha.

Oh yes, back to Peter Crouch. Every time the camera pans in on him, i laugh. You can spot him from any where on the field if he is within the frame of the camera. He has more sock on his legs then anyone else. He runs funny. Almost effeminate. Almost.

I saw his name being featured in a magazine, and he is really tall. He is 2.03m. What on earth is he doing playing soccer???? He should join the NBA and be best friends with Yao Ming.

I hope Italy wins the world cup. :) Simply for the fact that i don't like Zidane. He's old, flabby and bald. There's just something i don't like about him. HAHA. GO ITALY.

2006-06-25T06:46:00.000-07:00

back from MOB :))
it was good. Different from the last trip, but still good. So thank God for that. :))

Back from one fabulously slow-paced world, and thrown into the ugly singaporean society. Lots of adjustment to do.

Worst of all, i have to face that issue again. That issue which i have absolutely nothing to do with. That issue which exhausts my emotional energy, of constantly having to defend myself time and time again. That issue which equals me to a criminal facing interogation. That issue. I'd never thought it would be so tiring.

I am zen. I am one with the world. I am unaffected. I am zen.

HAHAHA. WHO AM I KIDDING.

school school school. i want to be an ostrich. Bury my head in the sands of time and just be oblivious to everything that happens around me. Just for a moment.

I'll stand,
with arms high and heart abandoned
in awe,
of the one who gave it all
so i'll stand
my soul, Lord to you surrendered
all i am is Yours

2006-06-05T05:41:00.000-07:00

I must say, there has never been a day like this.

My shoes bailed on me today. I'm on my way to school, and all is fine and dandy. Bumped into Berenice on the bus, so I had company during the long, long journey on bus 74.

Everything's fine, and then, my shoe strap broke right off. Ten yards away from the school's main gate, while i was walking down the overhead bridge.

The thing about my shoe is that i can't glue/staple the strap back on without permanently glueing/stapling my foot to it. I was seriously contemplating scotch-taping my entire foot to the shoe. I bump into my other classmates at the bus stop, and everyone tries to brainstorm a way to stick the strap back on. HAHA. We couldn't think of one.

So i call Nick, who stays relatively near school and see if he can bring a pair of shoes for me, IF he's not too far from home. Well. He was. So, i drag my left foot along as i hobble to class. Which is a ten minute walk in from the main gate.

Seriously, things can't get worse right?
HAHA. oh yes it can. Another 10 yards away from my lecture theatre, the strap from my other shoe broke off. HAHA. So, I'm left with hmmm, NO SHOES. Well, i went bare-foot around campus from 8am-12pm. People kept giving me weird stares. Berenice was so scared that i would step on a nail, or some odd sense, a mimosa plant. HAHAHAHA.

During lunchtime, the hunt for footwear begins. My wonderful classmates went around, looking for cheapo slippers i could get, while i uselessly sat at KAP waiting for them.
Finally, they return with a pair of green slippers that cost $3.90 and had "doko doko" imprinted on them. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. I love you people.

footnote (pun not intended): I will avoid charles&keith like the plague from now on.

2006-06-03T04:40:00.000-07:00

My class can be so full of crap sometimes. HAHA. The Danial, Nick, Yi Song, Michelle combination is hilarious. Neurotic euphoria quadruple whammy, haha. No wonder we always get into trouble. We never shut up. hahahaha.

Today got off on a bad start, and went slightly downhill from there.

It's a saturday, and i had to get up at 7am to take a test on grammar and APA citation.

Then i had to make my way down to toa payoh to buy MOB logistics, which would have been okay if not for the blasted solar twit that turned the temperature up by 10 degrees today. The bus i was in was a typical air-conditioned bus, with sealed windows to keep the nice cool air in. HOWEVER, today the "nice cool air" was missing from the bus. And the bus driver kept the doors closed. So imagine, a 45 min bus ride with no air con. Its stuffy, its humid, and the sun is shining in your eyes.

Now when i get home, i'm battling for air. There is a major traffic jam somewhere in my nasal cavity. I wonder if anybody has ever died from asphyxiation due to a stuck nose. HAHA. I need to see a doctor, no?

I'm still sore over the "i cant go for church camp" thing.

2006-06-02T08:44:00.000-07:00

i feel like an emotional punching bag right now.
Come on, take a shot at me.

tertiary life sucks.

Girls are so problematic. They can never make up their minds, and they can take 20 mins to pack and leave a classroom. They are dilly dallies. Time is often of NO essence, and a little whining would never hurt to get what they want. They go to the toilet in friggin herds. They bring itty bitty bags to school which can store NOTHING, then end up carrying lots of paper bags (with their stuff in it) and look like a christmas tree.

Things are tsunami-ing all around me, I feel overwhelmed. I need to cry.

I just realised that this entire post is incoherent. Oh bother. This whole Writt Comm paragraph structure thing is getting to me. I can never just look at paragraphs without trying to analyse them. I want a holiday. Where is my holiday.

2006-05-28T22:19:00.000-07:00

Technically, I dont have holidays this semester. The only two weeks of holidays i have in june is taken up by MOB. School term starts immediately after i get back. Sigh. Poly timetables are so screwed up.

Assignments snowballing. Tests looming. What a wonderful world.

I'm not getting enough rest, and there's absolutely nothing i can do about it. Thank God i didnt take a CCA. If i did i would need to camp in school or something. 24 hours 7 days a week just doesnt seem enough to distribute around.

2006-05-23T06:41:00.000-07:00

AHAH. I walked right into a hole in the pavement today AGAIN. Potholes in the road and i have an affinity. I hope i didnt twist/tear/break anything. It would be plain devastating if i had to go for another operation. oh please oh please oh please no.

We were kicked out of Mr Sharpe's class today. It was our fault, really. We turned a 5 min break into a 20 min one. We walked all the way to the atrium to have sandwiches.

We would/could have got back on time.

However, the sandwich-making lady was throwing a hissy fit at us, and she mixed up our orders. Thus, we were delayed.

It was just adding oil to the fire of Mr Sharpe's "pissy" day. ( He said so himself) I wouldn't blame him for being cheesed off. He had already announced at the beginning of class that he had a terrible morning so far. Then, to make matters worse, HALF the class pontang-ed lessons. I guess us taking a super long break was the last straw. So he asked us to get out.

After that we went to the library for a bit. Booked a discussion room and bummed around. Suddenly, this librarian storms in and throws a hissy fit at us for drinking bubble tea in the library. OKAY. Our fault, point taken. (Its ironic though, there is a bubble tea shop right smack in the middle of the library. She issues Sara and Nick a warning. She tells the rest of us off for misusing the room's facilities. We didnt do squat.

THEN I HAD TO WALK INTO THE POTHOLE IN THE PAVEMENT. So the pothole was the cherry on top of a fantastic day.

I need to stay away from hissy-fit ladies and angry teachers.

I want a magnum ice cream.

2006-05-19T08:48:00.000-07:00

Jars of clay- LOVE SONG FOR A SAVIOUR

in open fields of wild flowers
she breathes the air and flies away
she thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
he's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
as close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
someday she'll trust him and learn how to see him
someday he'll call her and she will come running
and fall in his arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray

i want to fall in love with you

sitting silent wearing sunday best
the sermon echoes through the walls
a great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls

he's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
as close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
someday we'll trust him and learn how to see him
someday he'll call us and we will come running
and fall in his arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray

i want to fall in love with you

it seems too easy to call you "Savior"
not close enough to call you "God"
so as i sit and think of words i can mention
to show my devotion

i want to fall in love with you

my heart beats for you

2006-05-17T02:15:00.000-07:00

Whoever said "being in poly is a bed of roses" should be shot between the eyes. Whoever came up with the notion that "being in poly is a bed of roses" should be dismembered. I'm not kidding. I'm sick of that stereotype. I find it especially annoying when someone comes up to me in that condescending tone, complaining that jc life is terrible and that I'm having the time of my life in poly. I know jc life is tough. You dont have to preach to me ten thousand times. But poly isn't smooth sailing all the way either. For as far as i know, jiawen and I are both drowning in work and deadlines. I think she's worse off than me though. Poor girl.

So stop being a clown. Be objective.

Blogging is therapeutic. sigh. I'm feeling better already :))))

Watching my piano teacher play the piano full-orchestra style, always makes me smile. AND he played it while holding a pencil in his hand. HOW COOL IS THAT.

I need to catch up on my work now. NOW.

2006-05-12T08:28:00.000-07:00

My entire family, with the exception of me, is hooked onto this pinball-ley computer game. My DAD. My DAD, bought the game online after being addicted to the free demo. I'm still reeling from the fact that he actually bought a game online. They would literally fight to play the game.

Simulation

clem: EH! You play so long already! My turn!
cleo: eh but you play just now also!
mum: Eh don't fight, i want to play.
dad: EH I GOT TOP SCORE!!!

me: -_________________-

My dad is still in denial that he got the top score for that game. He insisted that he had the best score in my family. You should have seen the look on his face, he was so happy. My mum and brothers kept dismissing his claim, telling him it was not possible. (technially its not possible, cos my father is really bad at computer games of any sort) He dragged my youngest brother to the screen, and kept pointing to the scoreboard, in ths high pitched voice, " See! see! I got top score!".

poor daddy.

HAHA. See friends, this is what excessive gaming does to your brain. Delusion, delusion.

To you: Where are you? You're being a stranger. :(

2006-05-08T03:00:00.000-07:00

Here i am; doing some work on my laptop, randomly kicking this mystery yellow ballon under my table, when the stupid thing burst and scared the living daylights out of me. i have a phobia of ballons bursting. It freaks me out completely.

ACK. General elections are over, and whoop dee doo guess who got the most seats in the parliament. I was hoping that the Workers' Party would win the Aljunied GRC contest. Oh well, guess we'll have to wait till the next election comes rolling round in another 5 years time. By then i would get to vote :DDDDDDDD HOW EXCITING.

I just realised that the past two posts have been quite political. hmm.

On a lighter note, we saw that Colin guy in lectures today. I feel quite sorry for him. Everybody keeps turning around to stare at him, like he's a live specimen in a cage. Then again, if the two (him and his counterpart) of them were so open in declaring their sexual orientation online, they should have expected this kind of response from the public. I mean how is posting scandalous photos on their blog being subtle??

HAHA. My grandmother is complaining again that the fridge is too cold.

2006-05-02T08:21:00.000-07:00

I cant move my legs. They are tired and they hurt.

I think the media should just leave the poor Gomez guy and the Workers' Party alone. Everything is so one-sided. Just watching the news tonight is frustrating. Enough is enough. The guy made a mistake; he could have orchestrated the entire thing, he could have been absent-minded. Dont we all make mistakes? Really, he has made an apology, and been shot down by every single PAP member i saw on Channel 5 news tonight. He's been called a liar, and a person with not much integrity. Hasn't he taken enough punishment? What are you trying to achieve?

Don't even get me started on the posters they put up around the neighbourhood. For every Workers' Party poster i see at a lamp post, i see PAP poster on top. This is the General Elections for crying out loud, not a popularity contest in kindergarten.

I'm not arrowing the PAP here. To be honest, they have done a fantastic job all these years helping Singapore be where she is today. Much credit does go to them. BUT. All i am saying is:

Fight fair.

2006-04-27T02:19:00.000-07:00

Well, school's turning out to be okay. Having quite a bit of fun getting to know my classmates, and they are nice people. :) The lectures are mostly ok EXCEPT for social psychology. The lecturer is BORING. I'm thinking of either taking up a cca or a third language. Might want to take Spanish. How cool is that??? i can take a third language without having to prove myself with outstanding grades (like in secondary school) .

I'm tired. The labour day holiday next week is redundant. really. i have make-up lectures at from 6-8 pm spread out on other days. Next week will be tiring. I'm thinking by the time i get home it will be 10 pm. ARGGHHHH. why why why is school so so so far away.

oh yes. I'm so sorry Amellia and Nicole, that I'm not coming for tonight's dinner. Place and timing is really inconvenient. My school is in Bukit Timah, and you guys are meeting in Tampines. That means i have to change buses 3 times and take a train down. Ez link is not 45 cents anymore. It is really too far. Hope i can meet up with you another time :)

Take care and oh yes, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to both of you :) Love you :)

2006-04-23T03:38:00.000-07:00

ugh i am such a pig today. I had nasi lemak for lunch, just had 6.90 worth of fries at Billy Bombers just now with Cheryl and Kelvin, and i'm about to eat dinner again in 30 mins. The fries are not fries. More like potato chunks. They are not for human consumption, they dont fit in the human digestive system.i had to force myself to finish it cos it was expensive (and there was alot left. so wasted.). Cheryl couldnt help cos of the humongous brownie she had consumed. kelvin didnt eat it cos there was cheese on it.

UGH. I feel like I'm going to explode into a gazillion pieces.

orientation was boring. HAHA. Guess thats just how it is at the tertiary level.
anyhoo. School officially starts tomorrow. I have lectures lectures lectures from 8 till 4. Save me.

2006-04-19T23:05:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDREA LIM. :)

Continue to be happy like you always are. :)

EEEEEE. school starts tomorrow. haha, well i'm not estatic. i suppose i'm just glad. FINALLY, an end to my rotting regime at home. My braincells need to live again. All this teevee/computer/sofa/teevee/computer/sofa nonsense has to stop. i can feel myself degenerating by the the day. HAHA. so yay, go me, school.

Only thing is i have to wake up sooooo early. All these months i've never gotten up earlier then 10. Suddenly getting up at 7, taking an hour plus long bus ride, and walking in all the way to the FMS block will take some getting used to. I just KNOW i'm going to get lost somehow. Dont ask me how i know, i just do. Navigation has never been my thing.

I'm using my elbows to type as i go along cos' there are people in my house who have come to service the air cons, and they use this terrible contraption that makes terrible screeching sounds, and i NEED to save my ears. They are damaged enough already as it is. HAHA.

I think i'll stop here. my arms are getting tired.

2006-04-17T20:34:00.000-07:00

thank God for jiawen and hem, really. You are officially under the "people-who-make-me-happy" category.

Birthdays. When you're small and cute and stupid, you love birthdays because birthdays equates presents, cake and all the ice cream you can eat without mummy stopping you.

When you hit the teenage years, being taller, bigger and worldy (in a materialistic sense), you love birthdays because it means gifts and "i love you"s galore, oh and of course being the centre of attention for a day.

When you hit mid-life crisis, being plagued by work, troublesome kids, and crow's feet: you forget about birthdays, having more important things to attend to. Like how to reverse the seven signs of ageing by using olay's regenerist serum.

Finally, when you're small, old, wrinkly and stupid, you loathe birthdays because it reminds you of how much time you have left to live. Your presents revolve around Brand's chicken essence and gingko health supplements. Worst of all, you cant have the cake because you're suffering from diabetes and a hundred other ailments.

Ah, birthdays. :)

2006-04-16T08:55:00.000-07:00

why am i tired. i have no right to be tired. after all, im the person who's been bumming around for the longest time. compared to those people out there who have to-do-lists long enough to decorate a 7 foot christmas tree, i really have no right to say i'm tired.

sometimes i wish i can just get hit by a car, die, go to heaven and have tea and scones with God. No need for worries ever again :))

Dont worry, i'm not sucidal. Its 12 am, i just had coffee, and i'm airing my random thoughts.

Given my current situation, i should be happy. i should.

2006-04-14T19:02:00.000-07:00

everyone is changing. i guess it is only expected. swept away in the whirlwind of the singapore education system. sometimes i really feel like questioning the MOE if all this studying is really needed. endless tutorials and lectures plus the additional burden of a demanding cca. Time has become a luxury word to many. Everyone just collapses into zombie mode after school ends. There is no more time for family and friends, no more time for themselves. Who can blame them, really? They are overworked. some till breaking point. I know of a friend who broke down while doing her chemistry homework because she just couldnt understand it, and it had to be handed in the next day. She is one of the smartest people i know, and for her to crack like that would take a tremendous amount of pressure.

Knowing the harshness of the education system in singapore, its absoultely amazing that people still question why students commit suicide.

I guess our parents dont understand, and perhaps they never will. After all, in their time, education hasnt gone completely insane yet. They cant understand how if they could take it, we cant.

Anyway, there's more to life than getting 4 As and 3 S paper distinctions. :)

2006-04-12T05:13:00.000-07:00

i have sandpaper for a throat, and my nose feels like it may just melt off my face.
urghh. this sucks.

nevermind :) i can watch Chicago later at 10pm. that would cheer me up:)

2006-04-10T20:46:00.000-07:00

HAIRPEE BURFDAY FOO JIA WEN.

you are old. MUAHAHHA. i know we had a debate thing on the phone yesterday about the ageing issue (you probably dont remember), but hey, you can call me old six days from today. :) for the moment, you are still older. HEH. tomorrow, we can go to fish&co. and be fat and happy.

i need my throat to become normal by the end of today. so that i can enjoy the buttergarlicprawnsgrilledcalamarifrenchfriesclamsinbuttergarlicsauceseafoodplatter tomorrow. :) i like the fact i have high metabolism. my body burns energy too fast for my stomach to catch up, that is why i look the way i look now. i am not anorexic/bulimic (you hear that sarah kuek???).

oh ya. one more thing. we (mejiawenamellia) were having lunch that day, and jiawen decided to observe the way we eat. she says amellia eats very peacefully. i can testify to this. she picks the noodles strand by strand, puts them in the spoon and slowly eats it. goodness. she takes forever. i seriously cant be bothered. thats why i only took half the time amellia took to eat. jiawen says i eat like a monster. well, thanks. i shall somehow take it as a compliment. And to set the record straight, i dont eat like a monster.

2006-04-09T07:04:00.000-07:00

whoa. school's starting in 2 weeks and i'm not sure i'm ready for it. All this time bumming around at home is becoming a very very evil habit. i'm not looking forward to the first day of school, i just know i'm going to get lost. the campus is huge, and i am the most disoriented person i know (when it comes to directions). i still cant rmemeber the "town" mrt line sequence; orchard, somerset, city hall, i sill dont know which comes first.

anyhoo. Spent some time hanging out with jiawen and amellia today, and it was good ole 4/9 quality time. jw and i were being retarded playing with amellia's camera phone, because both of us dont own fancy camera phones. Amellia was doing history essays and PW. We sympathise with you. Amellia told me something cool from her PW research today. Cuba has a 100% LITERACY rate, i'm really impressed.

Something strange happened today while we were at parkway, but i wont blog about it cos' its probably a sensitive issue. i'm sure she has her reasons for what happened. hey, we're all human, we all make mistakes, i dont think we should hit people on the head with a club and stamp labels all over when mistakes do happen. :)

the easter productions are coming along really well. Well done to all who helped in one way or another, it's going to be worth it :)

2006-04-05T04:35:00.000-07:00

i've been blog surfing/hopping, clicking on a friend's friend's friend's (and the list goes on) link. The thing i realised, is that there is a striking similarity amongst all of them.

Amidst the norm of the more superficial entries eg. "i went shopping/clubbing/to school/home today.. yadda, yadda yadda", there would be an angsty/sad entry or two, relating to themselves. The one thing that stands out the most, is that they all relate to the feeling of loss. That something is incomplete, slowly eating away at their heart and soul. An emptiness which no amount of money, merchandise and assuring words would ever fill. Being financially comfortable doesnt help.

I'm glad i never will have to feel this way. :) I have God, and i know that only He can really fill that emptiness, because He loves me more than anyone on this earth ever will. when i was younger, there used to be this song we would sing in sunday school:

Life without Jesus/God's love is like a doughnut, like a doughnut, like a doughnut..
Life without Jesus/God's love is like a doughnut,
cos' there's a hole in the middle of your heart.

I'm glad i'm not a doughnut, i'm a bagel. :)) and bagels don't have no holes.

2006-04-02T22:56:00.000-07:00

Remember, Remember
the Fifth of November
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot
I know of no reason
why the Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot

2006-04-02T21:41:00.000-07:00

i'm going to turn into a panda soon.

these few nights have been terrible. i just have such an issue going to sleep. sleeping early doesnt work, sleeping late doesnt work. then, the next morning i wake up really late, but still feeling as tired as though i havent been sleeping for months. this is bad. i have decided to exhaust myself each day till i'm so tired that i drift to lala land the moment my head hits the pillow.

or maybe i should try sleeping pills. but thats not very advisable is it. oh bollocks.

i think the easter props look really nice. well done gloria! :)

2006-03-27T18:49:00.000-08:00

boon has abandoned me to go to shanghai. so now i'm all alone for a whole week, being bored. almost all the people i know are in jc, and term has already started. so there's no one for me to annoy, without me feeling guilty of depriving them of their valuable time. i think i made a right choice going to poly. not that there wont be stress (i'm sure there will be truckloads of it), but it'll be in a form that i can manage. not so much academic pressure.

so i'm going to help out with easter preparations to relieve my boredom. i'll help gloria with props, and according to her, we need to make this huge "camera" that goes "KAHHCHAAA!".

haha, should be fun.

2006-03-23T04:47:00.000-08:00

dele came to stay over yesterday... and we discovered a singing lizard.

at first i didnt know what it was. it was just that everytime i walked past the kitchen near the place where the rice cooker was, i'll hear this strange clicking/chirping sound. its freaky. to be able to hear strange small creature sounds, but unable to find the source. i thought i was hearing things. so i dragged adele to the kitchen. and we both heard the small chirpy sounds. haha we tried to find the thing, but we were both scared so we poked at the rice cooker with a bamboo pole, shifting stuff around. we couldnt find it despite all our efforts.

so today i told my mom about the small thing that was making sounds near the rice cooker. she told me it was a lizard. i dont know about you, but i never knew lizards made sounds. let alone chirp. even when you're killing them with shieldtox, they dont squeak. she says that the lizards make singing sounds in the night. -____- she added that she has been trying to find and kill that lizard for quite some time now.

why does my house and neighbourhood have weird creatures : singing lizards, fly-into-the-light flies, and cockroaches that fly down from trees to terrorise you. i want to shift back into a flat.

2006-03-19T05:59:00.000-08:00

i think i caught a flu from my brother. the bugger just cant keep his own germs to himself. why cant we share other things like food or the computer? why of all things we have to share the same germs.

i sneeze so much, my eyes are watery all the time. argh. its like underwater world 24/7. except that there are no nice fishes to look at. just watery, blobby and deformed human beings.

i cant believe my poly orientation is only on ONE day. i just realised how ridiculously far ngee ann poly is from my humble abode. oh well. i'm just going to have to get used to the long, bumpy bus rides i will eventually take.

i am going to try and attempt to sleep now.

2006-03-15T20:52:00.000-08:00

this is funny. HAHA.

2006-03-12T23:55:00.000-08:00

i think Dave should never ask the youth to wear homerun tees when we go outdoors again. oh the female embarassment when it pours. and all becomes clear. HAHAHA. despite the fact that the tee shirt is dry-fit, it doesnt fit and it doesnt dry off fast. why oh why. someone should file a complaint to the people who manufacture these things. they should call it soggy-baggy-clingy. but then i suppose it wouldnt sound marketable.

but it was fun. despite the spoiler rain. :))

i look forward to the day i can run.

note to joel: dont worry about the foot. hey man, if i can survive 6 weeks, you can. And you should be able to take care of yourself better than i ever will. you're a medic in the army for crying out loud. i'm a clumsy bozo. there. i hope you feel better :))

2006-03-10T01:14:00.000-08:00

I had my first piano lesson this morning. I've never felt so inferior in my life. My teacher is amazingly good. His fingers FLY across the keys okay. They move so fast I cant even keep up with my eyes and spot the correct notes. He's super dee duper gifted. I've had other teachers before, but I don't think they are as good as he is. wah lao.

physiotherapy is painful. all the fluffy tales about physiotherapy being harmless and painless is bull. To them, the more pain you feel while doing the exercises, the better. so can you imagine. Each time i go there, my ankle is bent, rotated, kneaded and stretched till my threshold of pain can take absolutely no more. haha i nearly kicked my physiotherapist in the face today. it was an accident. he tried to bend my ankle the whole way back, and it hurt like hygsdfkahkshfhfhqe. so i retaliated. :/

well...at least i can walk now. limping a bit, but hey, it's better than nothing. :))

2006-03-08T19:28:00.000-08:00

for the first time in 4 weeks, i can stand up on my own two feet. haha, and walk.

Praise the Lord :)))))))

2006-03-06T02:58:00.000-08:00

haha. My only faithful visitor has decided to boycott all of society because of a bad haircut. Unwilling to be scrutinised by the public eye, she has resolved to stay in her home-built monastery and meditate towards enlightenment. or at least until her hair grows out. which will approximately take 2-3 months. notice this is even longer than the time needed to recover from surgery.

concerned for m--i mean her well being, i called her today to figure out the extent of the damage done to her hair.

friend: it's really really short! like i cant even push it up with a hair band...that short!

me: haha.. measure, measure..

friend: its about the length of my thumb.

me: huh until which knuckle of your thumb?

friend: until the part where the thumb is no longer alone..?

me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAH

thank you friend, you just made my day. :)))

haha and the first paragraph is fact peppered with loads of exaggeration. she's still coming to visit me, but only on the condition that i remove all the mirrors in my house. why? because she doesnt like to look in the mirror anymore. -_____-

and no, friend, i am NOT going to take down the mirrors. if you really dont like your reflection there are still about a milion things you can peer into... say like glass. and in that case i will have to tear down my front door. haha i dont think my parents would be too hairpee about that.

i still lubbb CHUU :))

2006-03-02T19:45:00.000-08:00

i made it into ngee ann mass communications! :)

thank you God.

it just occurred to be how lazy i am in the mornings. haha, i didnt even go online to check my results today. jiawen had to do it for me, because she is the nut that can wake up at 730 to check results for less than 5 mins. i cant. so she messaged me the results. i was happy, but still sleepy so i went back to sleep.

After awhile, my mom gets home. and this is what ensued.

mom: OI. WAKE UP CHECK POSTING RESULTS.

she turns on and off the lights repeatedly to annoy me out of bed. HAHA this tactic does not work on me.

Me: i checked results already.
mom: huh? how??
me: i got jiawen to do it for me, she smsed me the results.
mom: so how????
me: i made it into ngee ann.
mom: how come you never call me when you got results?????
me: i was sleepy. i want to sleep.
mom: how come you are not excited or anything?? why your reaction like that???
me: i'm sleepy.
mom: eeyyer! why you like that??? you are abnormal.
me: -smiles-

she walks out, and proceeds to call my father, grandmother etc. i get to go back to sleep.

drama mama. HEH.

2006-02-28T20:11:00.000-08:00

i recieved letters yesterday asking me to join the Navy and the Singapore Air Force. AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAA. maybe i should apply to be a Naval chef, since that was the only one that sounded interesting enough to consider.

i think Taylor Hicks/Higgs/whatever from american idol is weird. (the guy with the very grey hair, who looks 50 when he's 27-8-9) when he sings, its seems as though there is a tiny spring in his neck that snaps from time to time, making it seem like he has very bad spasms. Although he has a very good singing voice, his performances are awkward to watch. haha and distracting too.

voice. spasm. voice. spasm. spasm. voice. spasm.

haha. some contestant (brenna, i think) said she's like a DUCK. her explanation: "i'm calm on the surface, but paddling like crazy below." a DUCK. 100 points for creativity. even ryan seacrest was stunned, for a moment.

still, American Idol provides good entertainment. :)

3 1/2 weeks down, 2 1/2 weeks to go.

2006-02-26T04:55:00.000-08:00

i need to catch up on my piano lessons. my parents have been hounding me to call someone, anyone, to get a teacher of some sort (any sort)... since i've nothing better to do anyway. i stopped lessons to concetrate on O's, and since that's over i really should continue... if not all the years and money spent on my piano education will go down the drain.

BUT. i really cant read tau geh (quavers, semi-quavers and demi-semiquavers) for nuts. eeeyyer. i have failed every sight-reading exam i've taken. i'm so bad at it that one of the examiner's face went beet red when i was attempting to play/destroy the music piece i was given. i must have given him a very, very bad migraine. i still remember his name. HAHA. it's Ian Wallace. funny man, he is.

so, no more classical for me. and all the british examiners say "amen".

A level results are out on wednesday, posting results are out on friday. looks like its going to be an exciting week. :)

2006-02-23T19:44:00.000-08:00

Photograph-- nickelback

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey's head

And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out

And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times

I wonder if It's too late
Should i go back and try to graduate
Life's better now that it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in

Oh oh oh
Oh god I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom door
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Remember the old arcade
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops seen us hanging out
They said somebody went and burned it down

Goodbye

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday weíd find out how if feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel

Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since god knows when

Oh oh oh
Oh god I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

I miss that town
I miss the faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it

So hard to stay
So hard to leave it

If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom door
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
Everytime I do it makes me

i love this song. :)))))

2006-02-22T05:46:00.000-08:00

i just typed an entire entry to a certain person, and i cant bear to click the "publish post" button. AND I DELETED THE WHOLE CHUNK OF TEXT.i dont know whats wrong with me. granny smith apples, i should just dig a hole and bury my head in it.

i'm just so disappointed with her. i dont even know where to start.

its really true, huh. only the people closest to you hurt you the most. ugh, the more i think about it, the harder my head hurts... and the more it bothers me.

excuse me while i go and put my head in the oven.

2006-02-19T20:36:00.000-08:00

chrystal --

[adjective]:

Tastes like fried chicken

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

i got this off michelle's blog. GREAT. i taste like fried chicken. maybe an alternative job would be to work in KFC.
i wasnt convinced, so i did the quiz again.

chrystal --

[noun]:

A deadly strain of projectiile vomit

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

i want to shoot myself.

2006-02-19T19:47:00.000-08:00

i just realised how incapable i am with electronic devices and computer programs. i am a computer loser. i just cant do it. i cant read codes like SOME people who read it as if it were a storybook. gosh, i cant even follow the intructions on how to download songs into my ipod nano. there's something wrong with me. the pain nerves from my foot must have affected my brain.

i went to the doctor again today to remove the splint and put on a cast.

im sorry jiawen, i dont think you can doodle all over it like you planned to. its got some weird bandage thing over it.

i think singaporeans dont know how to be subtle. i'm more or less used to people giving me weird looks every now and then when i DO get out of the house. BUT today is seriously way over the top. i went to the clinic for my review, and there was this woman sitting opposite me reading newspapers. when she noticed i was sitting there, she literally put aside the papers and STARED at my foot. with her eyes WIDE OPEN THE SIZE OF PANCAKES. when i stared back at her she totally ignored me and continued to gawk at my foot. i wanted to put a paper bag over my head and just die. i'm not being oversenstive.

how would you like someone to stare at you with saucer-eyes for 15 agonizing minutes? and the worse part is that you cant run away.

2006-02-18T01:21:00.000-08:00

2 weeks down. 4 weeks more to go.

i just found out that both my parents play neopets. -_____-

2006-02-15T21:14:00.000-08:00

i must STOP falling down. its really quite terrible. it turns out that i am mortifyingly clumsy with my crutches, despite the fact that this is the third time i'm using them. and it always happens when no one is at home.

i've gotten so many blue-blacks from crashing into cupboards/slipping in the toilet/ falling off chairs that i really am quite fed up. i made a resolution to sit on the sofa and NOT move till someone gets home. but that did not work. i have a problem with sitting down and not doing anything for prolonged periods of time. the moment i get up and try to do something a little more umm demanding (for a person on crutches)... i often end up with another blue-black.

ugh. i cant sit down and not do anything. i'll feel useless, to me that is not an option.

2006-02-14T19:04:00.000-08:00

theoretically speaking, i did pretty okay. rather mediocre, not fantastic, but LOADS better than prelims. i improved by say...16 points. when i opened the results slip, i could have sworn my parents were more estatic about the whole thing compared to emotionless me. results never really sunk in, even now, they are still hovering above my head. i'm starting to think i'm abnormal.

hem was telling me that day that both of us actually did better than quite a bit of people in class. funny thing about hem and i is that both of us are ALWAYS getting the same marks. if i do better in english, she will do better in lit. sadly, both our maths grades are always swimming around in the 6-7-8-9 zone. In the end, somehow we'll both get the same L1R5. uncanny. it happened for prelims, and we laughed it off (btw our prelims were really horrible). now it happens for o levels, and both of us are going neurotic. we had the same raw score.

submitted the jae form yesterday, and i'm praying that i'll be able to get into ngee ann poly. my L1R4 meets the requirements, but then again, you'll never know when some crazy idiot will trot along and decide to adjust the cut off point.

oh well, God's in control. :)

2006-02-13T19:40:00.000-08:00

the carnations that cheryl and deb gave me are dying. no offense to you guys but carnations are meant for err...mothers. (does mothers' day ring a cathedral full of bells?) lets just say if i'm one now, my dad would throw me out of the house and disown me.

but thanks anyway! the flowers were really pretty. i couldnt find a nice vase so i stuffed them in an old 100plus bottle. hope you all dont mind. :)

i went for my review yesterday to change the bandages and got a first look at the stitches on my foot. And goodness it is ugly. its not in a nice line, in fact, its all zig-zagged and crooked. i figured my surgeon is not very good at cross-stitch. haha he must have failed home econs.

well at least the first week is over. whoopee. just 5 more weeks to go. i'm absolutely thrilled.

2006-02-07T18:28:00.000-08:00

results are out on friday. how exciting :)

i really really want to go to school to collect my results, haha but looking at the current condition of my leg... oh nevermind. my mom thinks i'm crazy. so do half a dozen people. HAHA. i'll hijack the school's wheelchair :) only problem now is the stairs leading up to the hall. i cant climb stairs own my own. the wheelchair cant either.

any volunteers my dearest classmates? (sorry boon, no singa award this time :)) the perks inculde the permission to play with my crutches and the wheelchair. not like you people need my permission anyway -_____-

the last time, you guys were speeding the wheelchair (with a terrified me in it) down the corridors...using my crutches to play swordfighting with each other. and vera i think you used one of them as a make-believe bazooka.

you people are absolutely insane. but i guess that's why you are my friends.. :)

2006-02-07T05:45:00.000-08:00

the surgery is over and i am in much much pain.
OWWW.

God hurry please let this be over soon.

this is only the second day. ugh save me.

2006-02-05T05:43:00.000-08:00

went for tm412's chinese new year dinner yesterday, ended up having to miss that gathering at shona's house. sorry guys, hopefully we'll get together soon again :)

all was well until i started playing that slapping game with cheryl. apparently our aluminium foil on the hot plate had burned itself beyond recognition...so we had to turn off the fire and wait for the nice indian man to bring us a new hot plate. while waiting we decided to entertain ourselves. :)) its that ole you-get-slapped-on-the-hand-if-you-lose-in-scissors-paper-stone game.

after the first round of the game with cheryl, both of our hands were bright red like we were burnt really badly. she disappeared to somewhere and i decided to play with amos instead.

BAD IDEA. i should never underestimate a small sec one boy. NEVER AGAIN. he hit me sssssoooooo hard all the small blood vessels underneath my skin burst. and thus my hand is quite badly bruised. the fingermarks are still imprinted clearly on my hand.

amy tells me i should never hold back in a slapping game like this. now i see why.

woohoo its surgery day tomorrow. :)
the only bad thing is that i have to get up real early to go to the hospital. bummer.

2006-01-31T00:53:00.000-08:00

went chinese new year visiting with eilania, nicole, and vera yesterday. On our way to nicole's house (which is very near tkgs) we got a glimpse of our old school. All of us wanted to throw up.

when we graduated, the school was in the midst of repainting. THEN, we were already mortified with the disgusting choice of colours, dark moss green, and poop brown. It made the school look like a friggin jungle. very conducive, yes? They decided to further torture our eyes by painting a whole column(4 stories high) orange. not cheery orange..noooo none of that. it was oxidated-carrot-orange.

NOW, the painting is complete and the school is splashed with hideous colours of purple, yellow, pink, blue, green, brown and orange. It looks like the warped up version of willy wonka's chocolate factory.

whoever chose these sick colours should be shot between the eyes.

2006-01-25T01:13:00.000-08:00

its wednesday. oh heck i decided to go for the surgery in the end. i think the worst part is that it clashes in the same week as the release of our results. Now that is really inconvenient, because i'm going to have to turn up in crutches or DONT turn up at all. and since our stupid school is not handicap-friendly (until now we STILL dont have a lift)...it probably means my mom will have to bring that dreaded little paper envelope back for me.

urghhh.

i want to be there with everybody else, to jump or cry with them, to take in those few tense moments, to see people hyperventilating and freaking out a minute before. i particularly find that quite amusing among girls.

its just not the same having to face this alone at home.

blast.

2006-01-24T04:09:00.000-08:00

went to the airport to send sarah off today. i think she's going to melbourne( if i am not wrong) for further studies to become some future doctor. so funny, silly looneys eilania and nicole cried AFTER sarah went off. she'll be back in 2 months, so i didnt feel enough of a pang to cry along with them.

decided to head down to marine parade library with jiawen after that. haha i decided that i should start reading up again before i turn into a permanent couch potato that vegetates in front of the teevee.

started talking about the pending results while we were on the train...AND everybody is sooooo freaking scared of the results. there was even some outrageous rumour fabricated that people who got that career thing from the MOE probably got a score of 14-18. now that is really quite nonsensical.

i dont think i am that scared of them results. nervous, yes, not deathly afraid. its more of happy kind of anticipation, the kind you get waiting for something huge and important to happen... say your birthday or christmas (ok maybe these are bad examples... but that's not the focus)

what's the point of being scared of a small piece of paper i say. i've done my best and i'm going to leave it at that, and trust God for the rest. He's always in control. yep. ALWAYS.

no point flailing your arms about screaming "oh woe be to me!!!", and knocking into some tree in your frenzy. panic productively, yes?

2006-01-22T06:28:00.000-08:00

been doing alot of thinking lately. there's just so much to be bogged down by this week, the surgery decision, the jc-poly decision... decisions, decisions, decisions. sometimes i really feel like curling up into a corner, to shrivel up and cry/die.

i know it intellectually that going for this surgery is probably the smartest decision i would make this whole year (well done chrystal.), but i'm holding back for the STUPIDEST reasons, i tell euuuuuu.

1. i'm deathly afraid of needles. asking me to go for an operation, to me, is like the equivalent of asking me to throw myself off the top of the esplanade to my very spiky end. its a pyschological thing.

2. i have a low threshold of pain. eh i just dont like it la, unlike hem, who enjoys injections and thinks surgery is cool. masochist you.

3. i'll be homebound for 2 months. i just got back on my feet, and to be relegated back to my room's four lonely walls just aint my cup of tea. i hate feeling useless. you have no idea how depressing it gets after the first week.

okay, so stone me.

sigh. nevermind. i have until wednesday to come up with a SMART decision. so wednesday it shall be.

2006-01-13T05:50:00.000-08:00

HAHA. my brother just ate dog food.

he mistook the bowl of rice mixed with cesar's dog pate for actual food. that was supposed to be tasha's (my dog) dinner. he was still all happy asking me where the nice bowl of food came from. i think he's trying to regurgitate by the sink right now.

no, oh wait.
eww. i think he swallowed it. -shudders-

abnormal eating habits/disorders/characteristics aside..

it was sunny today :)) for the first time in over a week.

2006-01-12T05:28:00.000-08:00

finally working.

benefits
1. I GET PAID.
2. i get to do something rather than just staring at the tv. (which amazingly becomes draining after awhile)
3. I GET PAID.

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

what is happening to singaporean youth nowadays? it seems like they are all getting cooky in the head far too young. all violent and vulgar.

today while i was working, we were rudely interrupted by two small boys and one bicycle that came crashing into our shop front. immediately these two boys get up and start pummeling each other with their fists, hollering and spewing vulgarities like sentosa's musical fountain. one fella picks himself up and runs, with the other chasing him. their voices echo throughout all the shop corridors.

about 2 mins later, the small boy who attacked the other came back to get his bicycle (which was still by the front of the shop). he is confronted by an auntie (naturally) about all the hustle and bustle, and even tries to pick a fight with the auntie. THE AUNTIE. goodness.

he finally backs off when she threatens to call the police if he doesnt stop all the fighting and nonsense.

the boy is say, 10???? what is wrong with these kids? who do you blame? the parents or the kid? i'm befuddled and speechless. whatever happened to being CIVIL?

-------------------------------------------------

on a lighter note...
my grandma just got a new fridge after the ole one she had been using for decades (talk about lifetime guarantee) broke down.

Now most normal people like new things, yes?

But NO, not my grandmother.

she doesnt like the new fridge because she thinks its too cold.

now please enlighten me. WHICH GOOD FRIDGE ISNT COLD?

i rest my case.

2006-01-05T21:40:00.000-08:00

i hate having a fever. ughhh.

2006-01-02T00:53:00.000-08:00

i went for my baby cousin's birthday party yesterday at (drumroll)... MACDONALDS. HAHA. she's three. :) its a relative kinda thing so no choice. It was this small little room with tiny chairs that accomadates about say, 1/3 of our butts.

there was a bowling alley outside so it wasnt that bad. Not that i can bowl in my condition, in fact, i looked more like living, hobbling joke. whoever heard of a person on crutches hobbling to the bowling alley? tell me.

my dad was suggesting that i hobble over to the edge of the lane and just roll/throw/roll with the ball. i decided that i dont want to end up in hospital for some freak accident. :)

charis, jed and i decided to play pool. (i figured shuffling along the table aint half as bad as rolling down the lane.) MY MOM IS WAY TOO GOOD AT POOL FOR A FIRST TIMER. HAHA. she trashed my cousins, who were both seasoned players. they couldnt believe it either.

i have decided that i am going to force myself to get off crutches. i really dont care if it hurts anymore.. i hate feeling useless and handicapped, and getting weird stares from very SUBTLE singaporeans.

2005-12-27T05:49:00.000-08:00

still on crutches.

I miss 4/9.

all of us are somehow just scattered and distant now, which is all quite sad. Haven't heard from soh and eilania since after prom, jiawen's in shanghai, hem's working...renuka is goodness doing what, aini is in cape town(i think), sarah is busy...sigh..tis very sad indeed. all the plans we swore we'd execute, all the promises that we'd keep in touch, really hadn't amounted to anything.

its amazing how being busy and all can really strain relationships and people. anyway, i seriously hope i can see these folks again before jc term starts, where time really becomes non-existent.

miss you guys.

2005-12-23T05:43:00.000-08:00

i'm miserable. i cant move out of my house on my own, i'm bored to tears watching teevee, and i'm sick of writing christmas cards.

Its christmas and i cant go anywhere, no christmas lights, no carols playing on and on, no christmas trees. i know these things dont count, but they sort of create the atmosphere of the occasion. worst of all, my parents dont think i should play any form of sport for the next one year. urgh.

and i am going to be confined like this for another week.

2005-12-13T03:33:00.000-08:00

i made a trip down to the hospital yesterday cos my foot's still swollen and painful (after a week)...and i have the verdict in english this time. I TORE MY LIGAMENT AGAIN. and this time, i tore it in two places.

marvellous. absolutely fantastic. i dont even need to TRY to damage my leg, it just comes as second nature now, and to think i just tore it 6 months ago. well done chrystal chua. YOU HAVE REALLY OUTDONE YOURSELF. you should recieve an award.

so, now i have to put on this butt ugly ankle brace (which in my opinion looks like a deformed football boot) and to preferably be put on crutches. AGAIN. No crutches for now because i am going for my holiday in Bangkok tomorrow. yes i am insane. but there is NO WAY i am passing up on this trip. I WANT THIS HOLIDAY. dont know how i am going to move around, but i'll figure out somehow. i'll crawl my way there if i have to.

the cure? let it heal on its own. so that means six weeks of recuperation AT LEAST. GREAT, i have just banished myself to weeks of solitary confinement in my house. bye bye holidays.

i think i am going to cry.

2005-12-08T04:26:00.000-08:00

i am hopeless. absolutely hopeless.

i cant believe i fell down AGAIN. this time i aggravated the old injury ( the ole torn ligament) and hurt some other part of my ankle. so now i have two injuries on one ankle, and it hurts very much.

worse part is i dont really know what exactly is wrong with my ankle, because i went to a chinese sinseh, and he dont know squat about english. so with the limited chinese vocabulary that i have, i have to try and translate his extensive chinese vocabulary into simple english words. i didnt fracture anything (thank God), but its not a sprain either. SO there you have it, the doctor's report in english. (i think i missed out many other things he said as well but...oh nevermind)

cant quite walk, i take an extra ten mins to go anywhere, and the medicine he put on my bandaged leg stinks to the high heavens.

hobble hobble hobble. haha. i am a hobbit.

2005-12-01T05:52:00.000-08:00

bah. its coming to eleven and i havent packed for tomorrow's camp yet. i am such a last minute person. no wait. i am a selectively last minute person. oh well. HAH.

i should pack, yes. i should. off i go.

this is a useless randomised post.

2005-11-28T01:44:00.000-08:00

sigh. classroom politics are forever. they are omnipresent and inevitable. i realised that this "politics" problem only/or mostly happens in girls' schools. girls are a crafty lot i must say (i am degrading my own gender but who cares.), they dont tell you that they have a problem with you right in your face. Instead, they sort of mask it all, give the impression that everything's cool, then pull their claws out behind your back and sort of claw you to shreds. (ooo. graphic eh?)

guys are different. they have a problem with each other, sort it out with their fists in the lavatory, have a beer to patch things up, and are friends all over again. No frills, no hard feelings, no politics. very simple solution to all things.

if there is one thing i cannot stand, is being lied to. then again, this has happened so many times that now i am all numb. To me, expectations of honesty from people will only turn around and serve to disappoint. So now, i dont really hold any expectations of anyone. its my personal protection policy. no high hopes, no disappointment, no hurt, no hard feelings.

if there is one thing i put my complete trust and hope in, it's God. He is ever constant, and ever faithful...and i am assured that He will NEVER lie. NEVER EVER. lifetime gurantee. and that comforts me. :))

2005-11-22T07:39:00.000-08:00

i have just encountered the most nerve-wrecking, terrifying, adrenaline-rushing day of my life.

I NEARLY MISSED THE CHANCE TO SIT FOR MY LAST PAPER.

i had innocently thought that today's phy/chem paper was starting at 2.30 pm. unfortunately, it was supposed to start at 2. i could have sworn that i heard the teacher say," girls be back at 2.10 for your paper which will start at 2.30", and i even double-checked with some friend(cant remember who) about the timing...and she said "yep its at 2.30".

so being quite sure of the timing...i made the disastrous mistake of NOT checking my entry proof. here are the following events that happened.

1.00 doing my mcq happily
1.20 still doing my mcq happily till my mom yells at me to bathe.
1.35 done with my bath...happily strolling out.
1.36 my mom informs me that my entry proof says that the paper starts at two.
1.37 half in doubt...fear creeps in.
1.37:20 i officially panic. start calling hem and jiawen frantically. no one picks up.
1.40 go into a full-fledged state of frenzy and panic.
1.45 fly into the car and my mom speeds off to school
-i stare rapturously at the car digital clock while stuffing my lunch down my throat.
1.58 we reach the school car park.
-i run for my life.

1.59 and 30 seconds i reach my seat and start to lay out my stuff.
-my classmates stare at me in wonder and shock. oh-my-gosh-where-the-hell-were-you looks etched on every face.
2.00 paper commences.

ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! i could have died. but no. hahah. i survived and i finished the paper.

THANK YOU GOD.

lesson to be learnt: always check your entry proof, kiddies.

2005-11-15T06:44:00.000-08:00

i have a tap for a nose right now. i have just finished using an entire box of tissue, and mountain of runny mess is coagulating at the bottom of my bin. this is so not a right time to fall sick. ARGHHH. still have quite a few chapters to cover for history.

today is not a good day.

on a lighter note, i came across something that made me laugh like shit. in an interview with Zhang Ziyi (or Ziyi Zhang. whatever.) she made this comment in english:

"the market in china is TV. People love to stay home--they are couch tomatoes."

HAHA.

2005-11-12T07:48:00.000-08:00

i am in love with this song now.....its really really nice. and the MTV is great. HAH.

song: The Ghost Of You ]]my chemical romance

i never said i'd lie and wait forever
if i died we'd be together now
I cant always just forget her but she could try

at the end of the world
or the last thing I see
you are
never coming home
never coming home
could i? should i?
and all the things that you never ever told me
and all the smiles that are never ever
ever get the feeling that you're never
all alone and i remember now
at the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
she dies

at the end of the world
or the last thing i see
you are
never coming home
never coming home
could i? should i?
and all the things that you never ever told me
and all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me

never coming home
never coming home
could i? should i?
and all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
for all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me

if i fall
if i fall (down)

at the end of the world
or the last thing i seeyou are
never coming home
never coming home
never coming home
never coming home
and all the things that you never ever told me
and all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
never coming home
never coming home
could i should i
and all the wounds that are never gonna scar me
for all the ghosts that are never gonna...

2005-11-11T06:04:00.000-08:00

mood]] puke.

i am feeling like poop right now. all stinky and disgusting. i cant believe how careless i am, i should have read the all the questions dammit. because of my air-headedness i have lost a good amount of marks....and now i am so uncertain of what's going to happen. this is supposed to be one of my best subjects. goodness.

nevermind. i'm praying for the best. God's in control. i'll just have to give it my absolute all for the coming papers....and doing your best is what really matters. :))

so dont worry if i scare you today or some other day with my stoned, spaced out expression. i'm still recovering from a post traumatic experience and realisation. it'll take a while for it to go away...

BUT I'LL BE OKAY. I'LL LIVE.

2005-11-10T04:41:00.000-08:00

i abhore superficiality.

i was browsing through random blogs yesterday, and i came across this alarming entry i found extremely nauseating.

here is this girl, who whines as though the world is going to come crashing down on her just because her parents didnt buy her something she wanted. there was alot of "i dont think my parents love me anymore" nonsense.

"they used to buy me whatever i wanted! how come now they cant buy such a small thing for me???" *grammar and spelling is corrected for easy comprehension* oh my GAAWWD. i wanted to throw up. or march right up to her and slap her. grow up. you cant always get what you want, and have your way.

i was even more appalled when i chanced upon another terribly superficial entry of another girl. the entire entry was on how she went about her shopping spree...and how she hated her daddy because he wouldnt give her any more money to shop, thus hindering her from purchasing this top that she absolutely had to buy....on top of about a hundred of other clothes she already bought.

i want to bang these girls' heads against the wall. and chip their probably perfectly manicured nails......just to piss them off.

2005-11-08T07:09:00.000-08:00

chemistry today was really easy. it was so easy that all of us think that there is something wrong with the paper...hahah.

and we all made the brilliant deduction that since chem was so easy, physics is probably going to be hell. and we have physics and english tomorrow. :)) wish us all the best!

my table looks like shit. there are things everywhere. papers, notes, files, books, food, food wrappers, stagnant bottles of water. ughh. i clean it everyday, but it always seems to accumalate back to its orignal state by 11pm. so i give up. :))

o levels dont feel right. i dont feel the dread. it has more of a numbing feeling, like when you have pins and needles on your feet...you know its there, try to pyscho it away, then give up and dont care about it after a while.

on a random note, there was this weird guy outside our school bus stop which walked ahead of my friends and i...then stopped and pulled his pants down for no reason, shocking two men who were in front of him. hahah. weird.

2005-11-06T03:36:00.000-08:00

O levels begin tomorrow. all the best to all the people taking them!

i have this really bad feeling that i am going to screw up tomorrow's SS paper. really. then again i didnt really prepare much for the paper so i am not expecting fabulous results. dont really plan on including it in my L1R5 anyway. :))

hahah. i studied 2 themes. stab me now.

i went upstairs to sunday school today to apparently get to know the primary sixes (future-sec-ones). and my, do they get smaller with each year. and quieter. like mice. at least mice squeak. these kids didnt even lip sync.

there must be something wrong with the food in singapore. the younger generation seem to be stunted in growth.

gotta go studayyyyy now.

2005-10-30T07:25:00.000-08:00

i forgot to add this in my last post.

in macdonalds', there is this big-sized lumbering guy who hem and i conveniently named "Mister Psychopath Killer". why? because everytime he walks by us, he STARES at us like he's going to pull out a dagger from his jacket and stab us to death. and he TRUDGES about like a big oaf.

he scared hem and i to death when he was staring at us and jamming his tray into the dustbin. CRASH CRASH. stare. CRASH.

im tired so i'll stop here.

2005-10-27T08:17:00.000-07:00

i think i have done the most insane thing possible. (tuition-wise) just this week, i have had a total of 19 hours of tuition. i am so burned out. i turn into chrystal-the-braindead-zombie after ten 0' clock everyday. ughh. sanity stay with me please.

on a happier note.

went out with hem to study yesterday. i have no idea how our study location turned from mp library to potong pasir macdonalds. (oh yeah, i was hungry :)) anyway, we still managed to study...after being in that macdonalds i think i have developed a very very bad impression of SA guys. seriously. they will just sit at their table and STARE at you. when we look back, the spring in their neck just snaps and ALL of them at once swing their heads to some other direction.

hem thinks they are despo. renuka kindly informs me that all the SA people frequent this place and they know EVERY SINGLE PERSON/GIRL that walks in. i was quite freaked, and reassured myself that maybe renuka was exaggerating.

then. ahah.

me and hem are sitting by the seats that sort of faces the window. and suddenly this group of four guys walk by the window, when their heads snap towards us. one guy then nudged his friend and pointed at us. these people are weird. very weird.

still not convinced? well. tell me. who runs very fast and slides on the floor on the way to the toilet? tell me who? almost everyone of them does that. and one cracked us up by trying to do some robotic dance that just looked so wrong.

these people are absurd.

2005-10-23T21:18:00.000-07:00

i made my mom watch an episode of happy tree friends that day. and i think her reaction is really entertaining. haaha. she was mortified. hahha.

i cant stand it. i cant stand it at all when i see girlfriends who impose on their counterparts to carry their frilly, pinkish, teeny weeny handbags. fine, argue all you want, that maybe "he's comfortable about his masculinity" and what not. but personally, i think its so wrong. ick. seriously, i think those girls have the strength to carry their own things, unless you give the STOOPID excuse that your arms are tired from browsing through the hangers and clothes. that's just stupid. plain stupid. if you are too tired to carry a small bag which happens to contain YOUR belongings, then dont bring it.

you'll save him from lots of humiliation.

cheers.

2005-10-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

its five mins to twelve AM.

o levels are in three weeks. i dont know whether to rejoice or lament. in 6 weeks it will all be over. 3 weeks also mean i dont have much time left. and there's always that annoying nagging feeling like you didnt do enough.

oh wing it.

i dont know why i am up in the first place. i should be sleeping, and dreaming about chemistry tests...(there's chem and phy pracs tomorrow/today) anyway, i think i shall go sleep now.

now you see this is an entirely random post.

cheerios.

its TWELVE AM. good morning.

2005-10-15T07:58:00.000-07:00

i think that our school is very very very stingy.

i say this because........our class won some class exemplary award...and to reward us for putting in our hard work to achieve a holistic and conducive class environment (sound familiar?), they reward us by giving us small, black notebooks as big as your palm, as flimsy as a leaf.

normally, we would still try and ooze out some form of appreciation for the fabulous gift. thinking that the notebook must have cost at least a few dollars. and a few dollars times 39 is not really a minute sum of money.

then, we found out the price.

these jolly little notebooks come in packets of 5 for a measly dollar...sold in giant supermarket. so yah. the school spent only 8 stupid dollars on the class who supposedly won the class exemplary award. like wth.

instead, they waste their money establishing some family life centre in our school along a corridor. which is constantly empty. they try to make it look like its used by turning on the lights and fans, drawing the curtains and closing the door. but obviously that kinda trick does not work on intelligent 16 year olds.

Prom. goodness. people have their prom in some recognisable hotel or function room and we have our prom at where? the SINGAPORE SWIMMING CLUB. dont get me wrong, i am actually quite thankful. they originally wanted DOWNTOWN EAST. hows that for budget. -____-

i rest my case.

2005-10-14T01:56:00.000-07:00

arghh. to ivan, hem, sochenda and jiawen.

stop spamming my board with your R-rated nonsense. you are making me sound like some mamasan from some god-forsaken place in geylang, and making my tag board look like some place where people have dont know how many (insert number here)-somes. so yah. STOP IT. if not i will delete the tagboard. I MEAN WHAT I SAY.

hem all this started with you and your nonsense, so you better find some way to end all this crap if not you are so going to be stomped to death by me.

Haziqah Bazilah, do not get involved in this. I REPEAT, DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN THIS. you'll only make things worse than it already is now. these people apparently love to indulge in this sick conversation and YOU are NOT going to encourage them.

peace out.

2005-10-07T07:23:00.000-07:00

remember a certain incident that came out in the news a few weeks ago about the "vandalisers" at the woodleigh mrt station..?. i think not. anyway.
apparently a group/person drew big white elephants on pieces of paper and started pasting the posters at the station. which personally i think is rather relevant, since the stupid station was built and not used. the press and authorities made a big hoo-haa abt the whole thing and were seriously thinking of arresting the guy/girl/whatever. saying that it was vandalism and damaging of public property.... i would say that it was stuck neatly and nicely on the walls and there was nothing damaged. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION AND SPEECH???

then i found out. my mom told me that we dont have the freedom of speech in singapore. not much at least. so great. we are THIS much short of being a communist country. i mean i can picture lee kuan yew with the whole mao zedong persona. okay. enough said. i dont want to get shot, disemboweled and mangled to pieces by the PAP.

on a lighter note: to all my classmates who love spamming my board with nonsense....You people are making me sound like i am some sick lesbian pyschopath, WHICH I AM NOT. so please do me a favour and stop ruining whatever reputation i have left to protect as a respectable individual. hem this especially goes out to you. stop scaring my friends, you are going to give them a heart attack.

2005-09-30T23:08:00.000-07:00

Your Blog Should Be Green

Your blog is smart and thoughtful - not a lot of fluff.You enjoy a good discussion, especially if it involves picking apart ideas.However, you tend to get easily annoyed by any thoughtless comments in your blog.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorshouldyourblogorjournalbequiz/">What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

green. again. why do i resemble and remind so many people of green? the uniform is NOT a good enough excuse. oh well, at least the above is more or less accurate.
I HATE FLUFF.
I HATE BAD SPELLING. (those on purpose...eg. i luv chuu worxxxx!!!! *shudders*)
I HATE BAD DICTION/ARTICULATION (eg. sylvester sim's teeth whitening ad. "teef")

cheers.

2005-09-29T21:35:00.000-07:00

to my lovely classmates:

just in case you are wondering where the heck i am this past week...i shall do the honor of informing you. i am sick. very sick. like knock-me-on-the-head-and-i-still-wont-wake-up sick. dont worry, i dont have dengue. its just the darn flu. i'm getting better so dont worry. :))))

*hem, since you have an amazingly high number of white blood cells and antibodies in your blood... drinking from my water bottle or constantly sitting next to me will not get you sick (disappointing huh, hem?). so dont get your hopes up of "pontang-ing" school.
cheers.